Tag: ‘smashing magazine’
TheTAPIR’s Staff Have Hissy Fit at Each Other
Photo by yum9me
Our apologies. We are afraid you have been caught up in a minor spat between our very own Ashley and Imogen. Ashley’s hatred for Smashing Magazine (and in fact, everything) and Imogen’s need to be lovely to everyone have caused a chaotic rift in the offices of TheTAPIR and it has fallen upon myself and the management to try to rectify this tiff. To that extent Ashley and Imogen are now both sitting in the corner until they have thought about what they have done.
As soon as they are both able to apologise to each other and have a cuddle, we expect our normal service of relentless (and potentially career damaging) web celebrity journalism to resume.
A Correction: Another Innocent Editor Falls Prey to Sarah Lane
Photo by TheOriginal_kevie
Late yesterday, you may have seen something approaching a genuine news article on theTAPIR; this is not our typical approach and for this we are deeply sorry. Not only did Ashley Holland misunderstand the facts at hand, he completely misrepresented them to you, and we apologise. Further details — and the truth! — have been brought to light and we present them to you now as we hope you have come to expect from us.
Hackers and terrorists ruthlessly, callously and without mercy attacked the Smashing Magazine website. These hackers represented the evil and malicious Sarah Lane who (as I’m sure our educated and well adjusted readership will know) likes nothing better than humiliating editors of popular weblogs to provide herself with material for This Week in Fun, her latest web presenting escapade (although she does have very good taste in shoes). These hackers placed a picture — taken under unknown but possibly threatening circumstances — of Vitaly Friedman playing golf, naked but for a strawberry beret and a false Mexican moustache, on the homepage of Smashing Magazine. The techniques (which theTAPIR certainly does not condone) employed by the hackers were sophisticated enough that the only solution Smashing Magazine could find to this emergency was to redirect the entire site to another page.
Never one to miss an opportunity, Vitaly astutely placed an ad on this replacement site for a book he had invented only moments before for this very circumstance. Sadly, this book did not yet exist except in Vitaly’s ingenious mind, so users were met with error after error if they tried to place an order for it. Friedman, in his infinite wisdom, knew this would only create further publicity for Smashing Magazine, and tens of thousands of extra hits were logged whilst potential advertisers rubbed their hands together in glee. Sarah Lane cursed his very existence and prepared new and more devilish plans against Jeffrey Zeldman and Erin Kissane (and also purchased a fantastic new strapless evening gown which really brings out her eyes).
Having skilfully avoided personal embarrassment, Vitaly signed on ten more talented writers to underpay, and tripped over his own piles of money on the way to the bar.
Smashing Magazine Puts us All in the Naughty Corner
Photo by Ante todo, Pablo Zárate
Smashing Magazine – not happy with releasing mediocre content and being suspiciously delighted about it – have reached the end of their tether. Who are we to consume their content for free, merely using the tried-and-tested (by every other site in the known universe) business model of in-page advertising? Who are we to think that the Internet is an open and fair medium for each to enjoy as much as the other? Who are we to notice the fact that entire IPTV networks seem to exist contentedly on an ad-supported and donation based business model?
No-one, that’s who. We are bad, bad people and need (apparently) to be taught a lesson.
To show us the error of our ways, Smashing Magazine deigned to take our toys away. We were left with nothing but a single page showing us their latest PDF book (a regurgitation of articles we have already read for free). No matter which page you tried to access, no matter how hard you tried to escape, the book loomed in front of you, demanding you make amends for being such a selfish and spoilt child web designer by giving them some money. So much traffic was created by this technique, that it eventually became impossible even to purchase the book. It was a bit like your girlfriend promising you sexual favours for chocolate and refusing to open her mouth.
Paul Scrivens, after reminding us (as always) that he is the publisher of Splashpress Media and kind of a big deal, mentioned these very points but in such a hugely apologetic and diplomatic manner that it becomes hard for the reader to understand whether he is impressed by Smashing Magazine, finds them abhorrent, or is going to the shops to get a cucumber and cream cheese sandwich and mindlessly mumbling to himself on the way.
Never fear, dear reader. We will always report the (vaguely true) truth without fear of offence. Or fear of telling the truth.