Tag: ‘ryan carson’
Robot Ryan slips under the radar
Photo by chegs
Attendees at The Future of Web Apps ‘09 last week were surprised to spend the same amount of money as previous years for a smaller venue, less freebies, off-site parties and no live DiggNation filming. Although the live Twitter stream (filtered by the hashtag #fowa) projected onto the big screen while Kevin Rose and Gary Vaynerchuk gave the last presentation ensured that the room quickly descended into crowd-sourced chaos, this did nothing towards answering the questions the crowd had. Even the event passes were just programmes that the attendees had to write on themselves with supplied sharpies.
Why was FOWA at a smaller venue? Where were the freebies? Why did the wifi fail so utterly to work for the third year running?
All of these questions are answered by one further question:
Where was Ryan Carson’s hat?
It transpires that Ryan’s hat was unseated in a tragic showering accident. Of course, his skull thereupon collapsed in on itself requiring immediate surgical attention.
We have reported before on Carson’s skull deficiency condition. We can reveal that Carson paid huge sums of money to have created in the Carsonified laboratories a perfect imitation android of himself. This android was capable of the three things needed to pass as the genuine Ryan Carson:
- Introduce every speaker as “one of the most talented people I know”.
- Smile, and shake hands.
- Apologise for the defective wifi.
With Ryan Carson in hospital having a transplant of skull tissue from Jeremy Keith (who has more than one man could ever need), the doppelgänger was the perfect way of veiling his absence. Although Carson could not bear to be apart from his hat, so many of the attendees were occupied with either planning and travelling the 600 miles to the after-party on the Thursday or trying to crush into a tiny pub in Kensington with 800 other attendees for the after-party on the Friday that they scarcely noticed.
The same may apply to Gary Vaynerchuk as he was not frothing at the mouth, which seems very out of character.
Ryan Carson: skull deficiency
Photo by seanosh
It has been discovered that Ryan Carson is missing the top of his head. If he removes his hat at any point there is a very real danger his brain will fall out.