About

TheTAPIR News is the brainchild of Ashley Holland and Imogen Francis. Our offices are based in Mayfair, London, England in an abandoned nuclear shelter; everyone knows your reputation in journalism is based directly on your position on a monopoly board.

We each have degrees in serious integrity. With masters. And firsts. And direct commendations from the queen. All our stories come from directly refutable sources, or our own very credible imaginations.

Ashley bases his web credentials in hatred. Digg, Facebook, Apple, MS and Google are all on his list – for not digging his submission, not using his Facebook app, not approving his iPhone app, not dumping IE6 and not giving him a job with free food and massages respectively. Palm remains the only tech company of which he approves, and just as soon as they release the Palm Pre 4 he will give up his Nokia 3210 and his monophonic “My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard” ringtone. Well, maybe not the ringtone.

Imogen has designed for every company you have never heard of. Yes, all of them. She is stereotypically obsessed with shoes and also a big fan of trees. She attends every protest and rally she can find because apparently that’s where you get the best beer. Her CV stated that she “smoked a lot of pot” between 1998 and 2007, except in 2004 when she was abducted by aliens. She loves Apple because they’re, like, so organic, man, and hates Microsoft because that appears to be the done thing.

In 2009 we added a new member to the team, Ben Kingston. Ben is still growing journalistically, but tries to be the voice of reason and unbiased comment for TheTAPIR News. He currently runs Microsoft Windows 8 Alpha pre-release Foghorn Leghorn and states “Look, it’s just as good as OSX. See, the Start button doesn’t even say Start. And it’s shiny.” He is young enough to find keyboard cat funny, yet still programs in FORTRAN because he loves pain.

We would like to point out that any posts that appear to have some kind of basis in journalistic fact are (almost) certainly accidental and unintentional.

We welcome your submissions. Please email them to our editor, Ashley Holland.